Posts Tagged ‘Zombies’


Previous Zombies Posts




Myrtle – The 10L Keg

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Once upon a time (last Tuesday) we bought a 10L keg. No one is really sure why – but the current theory is we bought it to make our other kegs look much bigger. We named it Myrtle.

Regardless of the reason, we had to come up with a use for it. Becki, our unofficial brewery intern (aka brewtern), decided it would best be served protecting the brewery – as a zombie weapon.

So she sat down and drew up battle plans to defend the brewery. Sure the keg drawn is the wrong style, some limbs might not be correct proportions, and “zombie” might be abbreviated – but overall it’s a darn good battle plan.

myrtle the 10L stainless steel keg

We Need Pretzels, Repeat Pretzels

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

If you happened to be at the brewery the night of August 26th around 7pm, you might have seen something like this:

Afraid that our beer might be ruined, we have kept this story under wraps for the past few weeks. But as of Sunday 9/18 we declassified it. The story is as follows:

As stated above, it all started on the night of August 26th. Commander Matthew was working his side job as an accountant so Captain Chris and Chief Joe were left alone to tend the brewery by themselves. Our third batch of Protector Imperial IPA was at the end of primary fermentation and we started to cold crash it.

Our normal procedure for fermentation is: Primary fermentation, cold crash, pull off yeast, add dry hops, condition and keg.

For some reason, Chris and Joe thought “why not add the dryhops while it’s starting to cold crash?” It wasn’t our normal procedure, but we began adding the hops regardless. To this date we are not sure why.

We moved our ladder to the fermentor and climbed up top to add the hops. As the first pound was added, Commander Matt arrived, eager to help the brewery.

Matt joined Chris climbing half up on the ladder while Joe stood guard on ground in case beer stealing zombies attacked.

Second pound of hops added – no issues.

Chris, on the ladder, began to add the third pound of hops.

Chris: “Whoa! What the?”
Joe and Matt: “What?”
Chris: “Whoa Crap!”
Joe and Matt: “…..”
Chris: “Crap crap crap crap!”

The brewery crew quickly realized that beer began foaming out the top of the fermentor where we added the hops. Chris quickly covered the hole.

Beer instantly started shooting out of the vent tube near Joe’s feet while Chris clamped down the hole up top.

Now normally when something bad happens in the brewery (valve accidentally left open, hose breaks and shoots 180 degree water into the air, etc.) we quickly diagnose the problem and solve it. In this instance, we all stood there for what seemed like 30 seconds watching beer shoot out the vent tube not understanding what was going on. Then,

Chris: “JOE! DO SOMETHING”
Joe: “WHAT?!”
Chris: “COVER THE HOLE!”

Joe quickly covered the hole and the beer stopped foaming out the vent tube. Seconds later,

Chris: “Gah! Don’t cover the hole. Don’t cover the hole!!”

When Joe covered the hole, pressure in the fermentor built up and started spraying beer out the top hole all over Chris’ face and the brewery.

Joe let go.

The three brewers stood there for what seemed like nearly a minute, watching the beer shoot across the brewery not knowing what to do.

Eventually Matt had the good sense to grab one of our grain buckets and put it underneath the vent tube to catch all the beer.

We stood there, beer/foam flowing freely into the bucket until the foaming subsided. Not fully understanding what just happened, covered in yeast and beer, worried that we had just ruined our batch of Protector, we began to clean up the mess.

Luckily the beer turned out fine – though a bit hoppier than batches past. We learned valuable lessons… like never add dryhops to a fermentor without cold crashing the fermentation unless you want a mess of beer over the brewery.

And if you are lucky enough to try this batch of Protector over the next couple weeks, you can really taste the explosion in it.

The Great Wall of the TTB

Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Back on March 10th, we posted about our TTB wall plans. The goal was to separate our tasting area from our brewing area.

Needless to say, we were a little disappointed we had to separate the two. We had envisioned a more open brewery. However, we soon came to realize the added benefits of the TTB wall. We had counter space where people can rest their tasting glass, the brewery would be separated so we could work in peace and, most importantly, it would keep the brewery and beer safe during the Zombie Apocalypse.

Yep, scientists confirmed earlier this year that zombies are indeed attracted to beer. And the building of this wall greatly increased our brewery zombie defense capability.

So to begin, we went to Home Depot and bought their zombie treated wood. Similar to pressure treated wood, it repels zombies instead of water. We built the frame with this.

building ttb wall frame

Next up we secured the frame to the cement floor with zombie proof bolts. These are rated up to 10 wall pushing zombies each.

securing wall frame with zombie proof bolts

Then we used some zombie proof drywall to cover the frame. We’re not yet sure what makes the drywall zombie proof – we figure it’s one of those things we’ll know when it happens.

zombie resistant drywall

Lastly, we spackled up the wall to make it smooth. It wasn’t zombie rated spackle, but it worked.

spackling the wall

And with that, it was ready for a test zombie.

zombie tested brewer approved

ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES!

It worked. The main part of the TTB wall was zombie tested, brewer approved.

first part ttb wall complete

Next up we had to create the sliding wall portion of the zombie defense system. The primary function of this door is to prevent zombies from entering the brew deck. Secondarily, it needed to look awesome.

To do this we had to secure wooden rails to the side of the walk in cooler that could withstand the shear force of a zombie attack, and hold the sliding wood door.

sliding ttb wall

After the rails were installed, all that was left was to paint the zombie door and add a locking mechanism. We originally were going to spring for a biometric combination lock for added protection. However, after watching a few zombie movies to study their tactics, we realized that zombies have issues opening unlocked doors. So we opted for a simple locking mechanism instead.

Oh, and we also added caution tape and a “Restricted Area” sign just in case zombies learned basic cautionary patterns and how to read.

restricted area ttb wall

And now the brewery is zombie proof. Oh, and I suppose, we’re also TTB compliant.